I am posting this in the relationships section because I think it most heavily applies to LTRs.
The Difficult Act of Giving A Girl Space
One of the most difficult things to do is to give a girl the space she needs to not feel smothered by you. We all know that it is essentially impossible to prevent a woman from cheating on you. The emotional roller coaster that is the life of a woman provides men with some very difficult tasks. Among these tasks is the ability to keep a woman invested in the relationship and stable in her attraction to be a part of your life. Learning game makes it even more apparent to me that when engaged in a opportune senario, most girls (if not all) are vulnerable to disloyal temptations. In my humble opinion, this is heavily caused by a woman's drive/need to validate herself and lack of ability (in most women) to control her emotions.
So what can you do to prevent another guy from triggering those emotional moments that cause her to forget her associations with you? Nothing. You absolutely cannot shelter a woman into social slavery. This is something that I was certainly guilty of in the past. It is the age old argument between lovers where the jealously and insecurities take over and each person tries to instill limitations as to the social functions that each other may attend and to with whom. I remember throwing fit after fit when my LTR wanted to have nights out with her girlfriends. I knew guys would be hitting on them. And I knew that they were looking for male attention. For the longest time this caused issues with my inner game . I wondered, what am I doing that is not enough for her? Isn't my validation all she needs? And lately I have questioned the ideals behind why I tried to create the environment for my significant other in the first place. I have learned that woman need constant validation from both men and women alike. And there is no one person that can provide another with enough validation to sustain a healthy level of confidence and satisfaction in todays society.
Sheltering a woman can have some devastating consequences. For one, you are lowering your own value by telegraphing insecurity and neediness. This could eventually add fuel to the fire. She will become increasingly less attracted to you and it will only make for an easier theft by another male.
But lets look at this from a different angle. Sometimes it is very hard to reason with yourself a strong enough argument to put her well being before yours. By sheltering someone, your preventing them from living the fulfilling life that they desire. Your limiting their self-validation and causing their social skillet to melt away slowly. By all means, woman are hardwired to satisfy themselves by satisfying a male, but to use this reasoning to shelter her is immoral. Many guys have the attitude "well if she doesn't like it, theres 11 million others out there..". And they will put there foot down to force a woman to comply. Your selfishly starving the person you may care about most. Starving her from living the best life possible for her. What kind of way is that to treat someone you love?
Most importantly, you might put your foot down and eliminate 95% of the situations where she may be coerced to be unfaithful. But what happens during that last 5%? Your fucking yourself. Because she will be less prepared to exhibit emotional control, due to her lack of experience being confronted with these temptations. And sheltered women usually have LSE and partake in extreme validation seeking behaviors, right?
Its the same principle that parents make mistakes on when raising children. They shelter the children from the world out of fear of corruption. The result is a difficult adaptation when the child is finally released to his own freewill. Remember that home school kid acquaintance of yours that suffers from anti-social behavior and poor social calibration? That is what your doing to your LTR by choking her freewill and social freedom out of her.
By being passive about her desires to satisfy herself, I've noticed that it actually causes a girl's inner game to become more stable. She will seek validation less. For the most part, I think girls need to get hit on every now and then, just to shut up that little self-conscious person inside of them. Many girls don't cheat, and I think its because they don't feel the need to. Enough guys hit on them to shut up that little person inside of them. So they don't feel the need to take it to the extreme of cheating. For this reason, I have chosen to give my girls all the freedom they want to explore what they wish. I am not condoning disloyalty. But I am no longer going to try and stand in the way when a stampede of guys try for her affection.
I doubt this will prevent her from cheating entirely. But I think its the only thing a guy can really do to maintain a healthy lifestyle for her as well as minimize her need to be placed in situations where men are validating her.
I hope this is helpful for all my jealous friends out there. I am also writing this as a reminder to myself, to back off, and let her live her life.
If anyone has anything to add or dispute, please do, I look forward to any thoughts on this issue no matter how tangent.
Swift
The Difficult Act of Giving A Girl Space
The Difficult Act of Giving A Girl Space
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